100 ‘Damned’ Good Reasons to Be An Atheist, Part 7
Many religious people will tell you that it’s better to believe than it is to not believe, and bring out a whole suitcase of ‘logical’ arguments for why that is the case, but they’d be lying. Here’s why it’s better to be a Heathen like me.
61. Better Expressions — I don’t know about you but I just like the way ‘Gesundheit’ rolls off of the tongue. ‘Bless You’ just sounds weak and feeble by comparison and I am all for things that sound interesting in the saying. Translating the former to English makes it a little weird (‘Healthy-hood’ or ‘Healthy-ness’) but it still sounds way cooler than ‘Bless You’.
62. No Raising of the Dead — Ain’t nunna dem durn fewl Zom-bees in Atheist-land. (Note — If you want a really funny re-telling of Jesus raising a dead man, read Christopher Moore’s Lamb: Or the Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal)
63. No Insular Communities — There is no Atheist-ville (not like religious people have their Amish-villes or FLDS-villes or what have you) where everyone is required to conform to a strict interpretation of Atheist principles, as set down by the Elders of an Atheist doctrine and where outsiders are given the cold shoulder in any way imaginable, even if that extends to abuses of social or political power.
64. No ‘Faith Badge’ to earn — Religious people tend to hold up their faith as a badge of honor, as if faith alone is a virtuous accomplishment. Atheists, on the other hand, have to earn respect by doing legitimate, tangible deeds…and even then it may not be good enough for some people…but faith…oh yes…having faith is instant street cred…such bullshit…
65. I’ll have the side of Pleasure, hold the Guilt — Think how much better the human sexual equation would be if religious people weren’t allowed to hold shame over the heads of everyone else, merely for having the wherewithal to acknowledge that they have an ability to sense pleasure and that this sense can lead to some really, REALLY enjoyable experiences…or so I’ve heard…
66. We don’t force the punches… — …we roll with them. Learning about the science of how the universe works makes you feel really small and really out of control. If you accept that certain degrees of powerlessness are a normal part of living, then you can navigate life with less stress. I mean, hell, look at the natural process going on in a system as close to you as your own body…and then try and tell me you’re in complete control of your life…
67. No End-times Academic Cosplay — It’s absolutely absurd how many arm-chair researchers there are in the world actively looking for signs of the end times. People have been predicting the end of the world for countless ages, and FAILING spectacularly at it…give it up all ready…
68. No Bible Beer Goggles — Atheists have never been so drunk on the power of self-righteous indignation that we were unable to see a clear theological contradiction…when it was right in front of our faces and biting us on the ass at the same time… Religious people, on the other hand…just try using their own religious texts to refute their logic with sound arguments and watch the cogs of cognitive dissonance go to work…
69. Respect to Manual, Mr. Sulu — As the late, great George Carlin famously said “Some parents deserve respect; most of them don’t.” And if you were raised Evangelical, you know damned well that the ego in those circles butts heads with this fact constantly. Atheist parents, on the other hand…let’s just say there is more ethical value in understanding that you have to do something substantial to be worthy of your children’s respect…
70. Just Say No…to Murder — Killing someone is wrong, period. It’s wrong during a war, it’s wrong during a Crusade, it’s wrong during an Inquisition, it’s wrong during a Pogrom, it’s wrong during a Holocaust, it’s wrong during an Election riot perpetuated by a walking, talking, breathing, orange shit-stain…it’s…just…plain (say it with me) WRONG!
Continued in Part 8.
DISCLAIMER: For those who are curious, I do not allow feedback on posts of this nature due to the fact that religionists have nothing original to say on the matter. They continually trot out the same tired, unqualified arguments for why they are right and I am wrong and I refuse to waste another second of my life re-litigating these issue with people of limited imagination.
