Gloria Steinem has the best take on this that I've ever encountered. She stresses making a distinction between porn and erotica, where porn is largey about domination and an imbalance of power but erotica is about mutuality and affirmative connection.

She also has stressed a need to eroticize equality in order to tip the scales back toward a reasonable gender balace where sexuality is concerned. That is where any solid effort toward affirmative change in this area should begin.