Mistakes Were Made

And the biggest was assuming Medium would be a different experience.

I should have never come here. I had a bit of a panic attack the other day because of something someone mentioned to me about the dangers of getting too personal on this site, and it really did hit me that I was falling into the same trap I’d fallen into on FB so many years ago. I gave of myself, more than I should have, trying to be as authentic and as open as possible in the hopes that some miracle would occur to make my life better. In the midst of this attack, I went on a deletion and disconnection spree, wiping out all of my response interactions to date, all 1500+ of them. Some people took it the wrong way and before I could come down from the anxiety and explain the situation, it was too late and I’d been blocked for my trouble and lost a handful of followers.

So as it stands, I’m not going to do much interacting here anymore, not going to give more of my energy here than is needed to make back the few dollars I need to recover the whole of the membership fees I paid out back in June. I’ll still be reading (and giving my customary 13 claps if I find something compelling) and maybe posting a few things like poetry and short fiction, but I’m not going deep anymore, not going to get personal ever again. Medium is just like any other creators forum — lots of takers but relatively few givers — and the current web climate means that any little misstep can be used against you in a horrendous way, even if the misstep occurs through no fault of your own. Lisa Beth Wright was more than correct when she said that the few pennies which Medium allows to trickle into our bank accounts are not worth the effort we put into this site, not as it is.

So…my thanks to the few of you who gave. I’ll try to remember your kindness as I move away from this forum and search elsewhere for the validation and peace of mind I need, that I thought could be attained giving of myself here.