Quite agree. Porn is to realistic sex as The Matrix is to actual hacking culture. It's a carefully crafted performance contrived to generate revenue via highly attractive distortions of reality.
That's not to say some things can't be learned from watching erotica (and I stress a difference between porn and erotica). If sex ed in the 80s had been something more substantial than 'this is a penis, this is a vagina, this is a condom. Be careful' I probably would've had a less awkward sex life. I mean, my anxiety issues were such that the day after I lost my virginity, I was stressing out over whether or not she was pregnant...we only did it once that night, btw...
As it stands, I've seen enough porn to have a good idea what to do and what not to do. For one, communication is important, as is a feeling of connection and comfort. Know your anatomy and know what positions can be sustained for longer periods of time. And communication need not always be verbal either. I find the idea of kissing during sex very appealing, and holding your faces close so you can experience each other breathing is attractive as well. And it stands to reason that since the most sensitive part of the anatomy involved in coitus is the clitoris, men should definitely make the effort to communicate better to avoid discomfort. Mutual understanding goes a long way and that was never stressed at all when I was younger. Again, if I had been told that connection was the main point, and not orgasm for its own sake, things could have been different.
Another thing I learned about through porn was the idea of outercourse, or non-penitrative sex acts. All I was ever taught as a kid was that sex was for procreation and that pleasure was not a salient motivation for having sex. Again, I could have had a seriously less awkward sex life had I possessed this knowledge.
Porn, of course, never tells you it's a matter of trial and error, and I didn't find that out until it was practically too late. I mean, I didnt learn the value of foot rubs until shortly before I had my last encounter with a woman. So yeah...porn distorts but with the right degree of insight, it can be mildly instructive.
I will say this, watching porn made be realize, albeit slowly, the usefulness of nipple play. As such, I eventually figured out that if I create a suction seal around her areola, it swells the nipple more, which can then be flicked with the tongue to enhance pleasure.
So yeah, I haven't had a lover in years but at least I have better idea of what good sex is by having watched porn and cultivated the wisdom neccessary to sort reality from fantasy. FYI, gents, it's mostly fantasy.
