The Bible Can’t Be Wrong…
Or Can It…? (A Poetic Satire)
Jesus loves me, this I know, because the bible tells me so.
It also tells me that a family of five, spawned a whole race of people without passing on any of that nasty inbreeding jive.
It also tells me impossibly oversized wooden boats will sail, when modern engineering says they will fail.
It also says that a shit load of people left Egypt by trail, despite no records of such a thing in the known historical Egyptian tale.
It also tells me that it’s ok, for two randy daughters to sexually assault their drunken daddy.
It also tells me that biblical marriage is good, at 700 wives, it’s well understood.
It also tells me that if you want your general’s wife, send him off to war so that he will die.
It also tells me that women should not teach men…SO SHUT UP, WOMAN!
It also tells me that slaves should obey their masters, even if slavery is the province of cruel, heartless, unethical bastards.
It’s also tells me that because Jephthah’s daughter is a fem, god demands her sacrifice, but a boy like Isaac is cool…in the end…
It also tells me that David had such a hard on for war, that he paid Michal’s demanded bride price with foreskins 100 more…than was needed…
It also tells me that water can be come wine, even though that’s impossible, so informs the basic scientific line.
It says quite clearly that you should be nice to the poor, yet so many christians would rather show them the door.
It says quite clearly that you should try not to judge, but so many christians do and that’s the rub…
It says quite clearly — be fruitful and multiply — but don’t you dare enjoy it, because god’s ointment can’t have flies.
It’s well understood that your holy book was written by men, and without clear evidence, there’s no reason to believe your imagined god had a hand.
Adieu.
